My Story and a Question

Ok, first a little background (yes, again) and then a question.

My biological father (of whom we will here on out refer to as the sperm donor) left my mother, my sister and I when I was 4. He never called, never wrote, never sent cards and most of all never paid a dime of child support. I guess I can't say he NEVER called. He called once when I was 15 to tell my mom how great he was doing and couldn't remember my name. My mother hung up on him. Last we heard, he was living it up somewhere in Phoenix, Arizona with the woman he left with. I don't remember much about him. I really only have two memories of him and neither of them are good. I have a picture of myself when I was a baby and he's in the background. You can hardly see his face, and that's the only picture I have of him. I've heard stories about him throughout the years. He was a very unpleasant man. He beat my mother pretty badly on a regular basis and was generally not nice to us girls. I've heard he subsequently had two sons. I got two different stories, one being that he gave them up for adoption and the other being that he kept them. I don't know which to believe but that's not really my point.

I really have no interest in meeting this man. My mother met a man when I was 10 and married him, and he's been my dad ever since. I don't even consider the other guy my father, hence the "sperm donor" comment. My problem is that as of late, I've been really feeling like I want to try and find my two half-brothers. I don't want anything to do with the sperm donor and I really would much rather he not find out I went looking for anyone, but I just can't shake this feeling that I need to try and find the boys (well, they're men now).

I talked it all over with Scott this morning and basically he said that if it were him, he'd just let it go. It has been 30 years since he left and he figures water under the bridge and all. I can see his point. However, I still can't shake this nagging feeling that I need to at least LOOK for those two half-brothers.

I'm really torn here. Scott's afraid that I'll find them and find out they don't want anything to do with me and be hurt. I'm thinking that hell, I'm hurt already and at least if I find them and they don't want anything to do with me...I'll know that at least I tried. I can't help but feel that I'll feel much worse NOT looking and not knowing, than I would if I just looked and found out they don't wanna see me.

I haven't decided what I should do and I really wanna know what others not so close to the situation think. I have a VERY small family that means SO much to me and I feel like a part of that is missing somehow. I don't know. It's all so confusing.

So...I beg of you...tell me what you think. What would YOU do in this situation? HAS too much time gone by? Should I just let bygones be bygones? Should I search until I find them? I want to know what you think.

OH yay! It's over!

I had a great holiday weekend, but OMG am I glad it's over! Three days of parties is just TOO much!

Christmas Eve we went to my parents' house. On the way there, we ran out of gas. The gas gauge in my car doesn't work so we have to keep track of mileage when we fill the tank. When we lived up north, we got GREAT gas mileage because most of the miles put on the car were highway miles. Now that we're down here, all our miles are city miles and we didn't take that into consideration. Also, Scott was driving and his close up vision is not great and he read the odometer wrong. Scott started to walk the mile back to the gas station we'd passed. Someone picked him up and drove him there. Then he bought a gas can (because ours was at home) and got 2 gallons of gas and started to walk back. He said he got about 10 yards out of the gas station parking lot when a nice lady picked him up and gave him a ride back to the car. We weren't stuck there very long. I was happy for that! So we got there...but a little late. My parents own a bowling alley and we always go down there after we open gifts at the house. The kids bowl until their fingers fall off and my mom and dad have a private party of just friends and family. It's nice. I usually end up tending bar, but I don't mind. I volunteer to help out.

Then Christmas day we went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for Christmas with Scott's family. It was really nice. Everyone ate, drank and was generally merry. My brother-in-law wanted to have everyone there by noon so that they would all leave by 4pm so the two of them and Scott and I could go over to his neighbor's house and watch the Packer game on big screen. That guy cracks me up. We stayed until half-time then drove home. We were having Scott's family over here the next day and needed to get the house ready for company.

Then yesterday we had Scott's entire family here to see the new house. It was a houseful, I'll tell ya that much. Scott has 4 brothers and sisters, his parents were here, wives, boyfriends, an extra dog and a HOARD of kids! It was insane, but really nice to have them all here at once. We weren't expecting all of them to show up. I'm glad they did.

It's all over now and as much as I had a good time and was happy to see family and friends, I'm REALLY glad it's over. I haven't even gotten dressed today. I'm sitting around in my jammies...just getting some quality downtime. The boys are at a friend's house. They called a little while ago and asked if their friend could come over but I said "tomorrow". I need a day to just regroup.

I will be back to normal tomorrow.

Grades update

Scott called the counselor and talked to him about his son. Scott, his ex, the teachers, and the counselor have set up a meeting for after the winter break to set up an action plan for my stepson. He's been staying after school to get caught up on some stuff. His mother has been making him do that. At least she's doing something this time. Normally, she takes his PS2 away for a couple weeks but always ends up giving it back to him. She never calls the school and talks to them about anything. It's actually kinda funny. I called the counselor the other day and I told him my name and he knew me, who I was and who my children were without me even telling him. I like that. She could never say the same. Hell, when Scott talked to him, the counselor couldn't even remember Scott's ex's first name! LOL

I just wish my stepson had more help at home. She is so selfish and awful, she's so afraid he won't love her as much if he spends any time over here with me...that she can't see it's in his best interest to get help. I know no one has ever accused that lady of being the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but good Lord...you'd think she'd at least wanna do right by her kid! She actually said to him "You're failing school cuz you don't love me". Who does that to a kid??? I mean really...he's 12!

We are going to be fighting for custody soon. Just after the new year, when we have enough money for a lawyer. Enough damage has been done to this kid! He needs a loving, stable environment. I know we can give that to him. Until then, we'll do all we can from where we are.

The reports are in!

Mid-term reports came out for the kids today. My son and Scott's son go to the same school but have no classes together. We prefer it that way. They have a tendency to get in trouble when they're together.

I thought my son was going to have problems adjusting to the new school but it looks as if he was ahead of what they're doing down here up at his old school. I'm happy about that. My stepson however is failing badly. Five failing grades on his mid-term. We're going to talk to his counselor at school about it and Scott's going to talk to his ex-wife and see what they can do. Everyone wants to blame his mom (me included) but when it boils right down to it, it's really my stepson's fault. He's just not trying. It almost seems as if he's purposely failing the 6th grade! I can't for the life of me figure out why, but we will find out soon enough. He is always very open and honest with his dad when no one else is around so we're going to set up a little meeting of sorts between him and my hubby. I hope he can get to the bottom of it. I would really hate to see that kid fail 6th grade. Around here, they don't mess around and they have no problem holding a kid back for things like this. I can't help but wonder if there is something going on that we don't know about.

We've offered to have him dropped off here after school so that I can keep an eye on his homework and whether or not it's getting done. His mom however doesn't like me (not that I care) and Scott works second shift so she won't let him come over here if I'm the only one here. She doesn't want her son and I spending time together because she fears he will love me more than her. It's really stupid. This woman is 52 years old and acts like a 12 year old half the time! I know Scott's going to talk to her on Friday and maybe he'll be able to convince her it's in their son's best interest to have him come over here. She's not home when he gets home from school and she doesn't check his homework. I do!

I just wanna see the kids succeed. That's all. Plain and simple.

I always said he was!!!

I had Scott take the "evil" test and here are his results:


How evil are you?

I always told him he was one twisted individual!!!

I LOVE being right!!

*insert evil laugh here*

How in Hell did THIS happen???

Another fine item respectfully ripped off from my friend Livey



How evil are you?


How did I get to be so evil?? But, But, But, I'm GOOD!!!

*giggles*

Just for fun

Another item respectfully ripped off from Livey.

Pardon the Interruption

I know it's been quiet here lately. Too quiet, I think.

With Christmas coming up and getting the house the way we want it, I haven't had much time to get online. My in-laws are coming on Sunday to see the house and it's really important to me that the house be completely done by then. I just have to put a couple of pictures up and then organize a little better and we're all done. I spent most of the day today cleaning, organizing and getting everything straightened up downstairs. It looks nice. I'm very proud.

Unfortunately, with Scott working 12 hour days, I'm having to do alot of this by myself. I don't mind really. I understand how hard he works and he shouldn't have to worry about doing all this menial, tedious stuff when he's home.

On Saturday, I'm driving down to the Madison area to go visit a friend of mine. She's older and disabled and desperately has been wanting to bake cookies and such for the holidays but is unable to stand long enough to do so on her own. I'm gonna help her bake up a storm and make her a few meals she can freeze so she has plenty to eat without having to worry about cooking it all. I'm sure we'll have a blast! I'm taking along some Christmas CDs. I can't wait!

Then Christmas eve, we're going to my parents' house for celebration and general merriment. My parents own a bowling alley so after we open gifts at their house, we're all going to go down there and let the kids bowl until their fingers fall off (well maybe we'll stop just before that happens lol). My parents always open up the lanes on Christmas eve, just for close friends and family. It's always loads of fun.

Christmas day, my sister-in-law and I are co-hosting Christmas festivities at her house, so I'll have lots of food to make that morning. Generally, we have our kids on Christmas eve and then they go with their other parents on Christmas day, so we'll be sans children that day. I miss them so much on Christmas morning, but Christmas eve morning we usually do all our household family present-opening. I'm just so happy that we finally have some extra money to get the kids something nice for Christmas. They're good kids. They deserve it.

Y'all have holiday plans? Tell me about them!

I'm an Iris!

Respectfully robbed from Livey.

You Are An Iris

You are a unique woman who needs a lot of novelty in her life. An inspiration seeker, you often have to change scenery to recharge. You don't deal well with structure or rules. You need to do it your own way. Your ideal relationships are free and flowing. No one can tie you down.

What Flower Are You?

Why can't anything just be EASY??

No matter what I try to do these days, nothing seems to come easily. I've been setting up new checking accounts, a new cell phone, the cable/internet/phone. It seems like everytime I turn around, someone is passing the buck, thinking I'm stupid, unhelpful or all-around moronic!

I call the cell phone company and they tell me that what I have to do I can only do online so I go online and it says I have to call them. Well, ok then. Scott was already frustrated enough with them to hang up on them earlier lol. He has FAR less patience with people on the phone than I do.

Now, I'm trying to set up my new checking account so I can do my banking online. It says online that I have to call this number, anytime 24/7 and when I do...it tells me I have to either go online or wait until one of the offices is open. I sent them an e-mail. Let THEM work for ME! I'm sure it'll all get worked out...but it's driving me nuts that none of this stuff can just be easy!

I FINALLY have all my cable/internet/phone issues worked out. Took two trips by the cable company and then Scotto going downstairs and finishing what they did not...but it's all set up the way we want it now. What do we pay these people for?